You know that I'm writing a book on kindness. So did this person. I keep saying that it makes no difference that I tell people I may be including the story of my interaction with them in my book and blog, at least half of them still act with cruelty. Here's what happened.

Several days ago, on my Facebook page I read a comment made by one of my friends on the Facebook page of this woman. I'll call her Tina (not her real name.) Tina had written a long rant about the assistant she fired and listed many of the ways this assistant had caused her damage and financial loss. I was affected by this because I had applied for that very position and was rejected. I had offered because I wanted to make my time here in Erie productive and help someone in need. With my degree and my experience as a caregiver and home economist I was certainly qualified. But Tina considered me undesirable because she is allergic to cats and I have a cat. Fair enough, I wouldn't want anyone to suffer allergic reaction because of my presence.

So, 6 months later, I sent Tina a private message to her Facebook account sympathizing with her plight with her assistant. I cared that she was taken advantage of. She didn't deserve the bad treatment she received. At the same time I sent her a Friend Request. Keep in mind, I've met Tina. She has come to my home. We have communicated through email multiple times. We have a good friend in common who would vouch for me as a good person if I asked her to.

She replied saying that she could not be friends with me because she writes very personal things on her Facebook page that is meant only for her family members and close friends. I replied to Tina - stupid me - of our previous connections, thinking maybe she was mistaking me for someone else. But she again told me I wasn't someone she wanted to be friends with.

Tina didn't have to spell it out. All she had to do was click on "Ignore Friend Request" and I would not have been the wiser. So either Tina is ignorant of the fact she can simply ignore Friend Requests or she chooses to be hurtful. And that was the end result. I've had an incredible amount of rejection over the past 13 years and it still stings every time.

The crazy thing is: when our mutual friend comments on Tina's status it appears on MY Facebook page which allows me to click though to Tina's Facebook page anyway. So it's impossible for her to keep all her private stuff private from me and others she doesn't want to know. So her rejection of me didn't protect her anyway.

So, what did I learn from this? That people often are short-sighted. They are aware only of the here-and-now and not the future. She likely sees me as an impoverished, uneducated, minimum wage earner.... because I offered assist her when she said she needed help. Therefore she sees me as not being "good enough" to be her new friend, in real life, not just on Facebook. She doesn't see me as the celebrated author-speaker who was once welcomed to this city by the mayor (Tullio), attended prestigious Oxford University, and was a paid guest expert on relationships on multiple national television shows. (If I was once, I can be again.)

Two rejections from one person is enough for me. I won't bother to offer my assistance or friendship to someone who can't recognize that I'm a kind, helpful, interesting and intelligent person. And now, I realize she doesn't have the compassion, consideration and kindness that I look for in a friend.


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